Baring My Soul

Ok, I'm not really baring my soul, but I am very nervous about this post.

So here are the stats:

Weigh In (WI) 4/22/11: 201.2 lbs
WI 4/29/11: 199.5 lbs
Change: -1.7 lbs

And before those of you who know me and see me often say it, no, I don't look like I weight that much, but yes, I do weigh that much.  No, I don't know where I hide it, but I would like to have to "hide" much less pounds.  I figure I keep it on my hips.

Anyway, I said Wednesday I would start dissecting why I struggle so much with this.  So, here goes nothing.

First, what I've noticed is that I am a bored and nervous eater.  I have tried to fix this, but when I am unsuccessful, I try and make sure that there is always some of my favorite fruit or veggies around to gnaw on instead of the sweets that I prefer.  Which is where the fruits come in, natural sugars, yummmm...  I am so glad that watermelon is coming back into season, I love it so much.  It's sweet and if you get a good watermelon, it melts in your mouth.  But, that aside, I am really working on picking healthy options when I snack.

Second, I have a ginormous sweet tooth.  And I bake a lot.  Which, is not compatible with weight loss.  I try to make the sweet things I eat healthier.  I get the Weight Watchers Bakery Treats and Frozen Treats to help, and I also try and bake healthy treats too.  My sweet tooth is a huge obstacle.  Side note: White Chocolate should be illegal, it's far too delicious for my own good.

I've also noticed that if I have something that I really, really like, I am more prone to eat more of it.  I think this goes back to when I was a kid and there was something that was a special treat in the house.  I was competing with two brothers and I had to eat my share now, or I might not get any later and I find myself still in that mindset, probably in part because I married the bottomless pit.  I don't know how to break it, but I have a mantra that I repeat when I am aware of that reaction creeping into my mind.  I CONTROL WHAT GETS PURCHASED.  IF THIS IS GONE TOMORROW, I CAN GO BUY MORE.  BE PATIENT.  I need to have that overrule the ingrained instinct to eat more now, because it is here.  That gets me in trouble.

I also said that I would update on my exercise this week for you today.

Wednesday

I went for a walk with Adam.  We walked at a quick pace for a half hour, as per a Get Fit by Memorial Day (I am under no illusions this will get me fit by Memorial Day, as they expected you to start three months before Memorial Day) workout routine that Cracked Actor posted on her blog. (I hope you choose to switch to Blogger, loves, it's much more universal!)

Thursday

I went for a walk again, and I was supposed to do a quick full body circuit, but after my walk to Walgreen's, my ears hurt from the wind and cold and then I had to pack to go visit my parents and in-laws and drive to my parents.... so I basically just ran out of time.  And I'm really good at making excuses.

Friday

Today though, I did more than the work out plan said to.  I did 30 minutes on the bike and then the quick body circuit.  Adam and I also took TJ, my parents' dog, for a long walk.  It did nothing for her neurosis, she still is whacko, but I got some more exercise and soaked up some recently rare Michigan sun.

Now, I don't know when or how I hurt my neck, but I think I slept on it funny last night and then screwed it up more during my workout.  Fortunately tomorrow is a day off, as is Sunday before I start week two.  Hopefully those rest days will allow my body to recover from me.  I can deal with overall muscle soreness, but the neck pain really sucks.  Heating pad seems to help, but only for a little bit.

I hope that I have a successful week this week too.  I know I won't fit into that dress by Saturday (OMG, GRADUATION IS IN A WEEK!?) but I can still have a successful week and drop a couple more pounds and hopefully be out of my 190s rut soon.

Goals for this week:
1. Drink 16oz of water before every meal.
2. Remember to take my damn multi-vitamin.
3. Workout every day.
4. Take a yoga class.
5. Pack up half the apartment.
6. Enjoy my last week as an undergraduate student. (Includes going to Max and Emily's on Thursday for Loaded Baked Potato Soup!)

It's the end of the semester, so what do I do? Procrastinate!

Yes, I procrastinate.  But I have several days until these papers are due, and I have one of them halfway finished.

So anyway, as I sit here days away from graduation, Gentle Thursday and Friday tomorrow and the next day, (which I swear, I will use to finish my paper Mom, I promise), I am throwing myself a pity party.  I went shopping at JC Penney's today because they are having a huge sale and I want to get a new dress for graduation.  I found a gorgeous white sundress that I want to wear to graduation, but it's on clearance, and surprise, surprise, my fat ass doesn't fit, or rather, my stomach, doesn't allow the zipper to close.  Also, my inability to contort myself like an acrobat to be able to reach the zipper, the dress doesn't fit. And I am sad because it is freaking cute, I love it and it's a size too small and JCP doesn't have any in a larger size.

Because of this, I resolute (again, I think, but I'm too lazy to look) to blog about my weight loss journey every Friday.  Updates on my work outs that week, whether I managed to stay on plan that week, my weigh ins, etc.  I cringe when I think about putting this out there on the internets, but I feel I need to be accountable in some other ways than I am already, because I obviously am not being accountable enough.

I will write more about what I think are my issues with food on Friday, and obviously about my week.  As for now, I need to go procrastinate by watching the last 1:44 of the third period of game seven of the Penguins vs Lightening.

Penguins need to lose.

Important Announcement involving shoeperwoman.com

I read a blogger named Katri from The Cat With Glasses who follows a woman named Amber who styles herself the Shoeperwoman.  She has been actively blogging as Shoeperwoman for a little over two years and has had the domain since 2008.

Now Amber, has run into a problem with another woman named Laura who has knowingly registered Shoeperwoman with .co.uk and has now been trying essentially un-do all the work that Amber and her husband have been working for.  I really hope that this never happens to me, but I also don't anticipate this blog actually being more than an outlet for me.  You know never know, though, so please go give Shoeper Woman some love and read the full scope of the problem.

Welcome Home

Finally after many weeks and months of hospital rooms, tests, surgeries, chances, tears, sadness, ups, downs, anger, yelling, crying and finally upward progress from ICU to rehab, my mother arrived home from her fight against H1N1.

She is weak, but walking, talking and feeding herself.  She has a long way to go down the road to recovery, mostly regaining her strength.  From the worst place I have ever been in my life at the end of January and the beginning of February to now is almost night and day.  We still aren't back to normal, but we're getting there and my brothers and I have my Mom back and my Dad has his other half.

There are so many people to thank, I don't know if I can think of them all, but, I want to take a second to thank all of the wonderful people in my life who have been there in the darkest days of our family.  My husband who was stoic and allowed me to be selfish, would hold me for hours while I cried and drove us to Grand Rapids hundreds of times.  He was suffering just as much as the rest of us, but was a rock for all of us, especially me.  My Uncle Rick and his family who live about 10 minutes from the hospital and gave us a key to come and go as we needed.  They gave us beds to sleep in and fed us every weekend and whenever we needed a place to go.  Even though I know my uncle felt he wasn't doing enough and his wife who asked him why we hadn't moved in yet felt the same way, we are family and they wanted to take care of us.  It means so much to us, and we can never thank them enough.  Courtney and James and the Moore family, who helped try and keep a sense of normality for me, Nicole, Melissa, Pastor Emmett, Pastor Rick, the Eks, Debby, the Spedowskis, MaryJo and the entire IRC camping family.  Lisa, who took notes like a mad woman for me when I missed class, the professors who, in unison told me to do what I needed to do and make up the work as I can, instead of asking me to withdraw from my final semester.  To all of the people who supported and fed my family when I could not, the Healeys who fed Zack during the week when my Dad was still at the hospital on late nights, the Hammonds who took in our family dog, and the BRHS hockey family who rallied behind us and produced massive amounts of food for when no one could get up the desire to actually cook and held a team prayer for my Mom shortly after she went on ECMO in the ICU and always took a second to comfort and ask how Mom was doing.  And the hundreds of people who sent cards, well wishes and the people who sent the gas cards and food cards for all of the traveling from home to Grand Rapids my Dad did.

The doctors and nurses, respiratory people and ECMO techs who told us after Mom started to get better, that they had never had a sicker patient who lived.  Without their round the clock care, Mom wouldn't have been able to fight this off on her own.

And the unsung heros in all of this. My Mom and Dad.  My Dad stepped up hardcore and managed to figure out the finances that my Mom, being an accountant, had always taken care of.  He was at the hospital every day, talking to Mom, holding her hand and wishing he could do all of it for her and when he could not, he kept on the doctors, asked questions and got answers.  Always driving and pushing and hoping that Mom would get better.

And my Mom who fought so hard, and had taken so many steps to healthy living before this that helped her fight off this terrible disease.  I hope that in the following years as Mom continues down the road to recovery, she will continue to make those healthy choices that helped her survive this.  Mom has always been stubborn and that was so beneficial to her in this fight.

I love you, Mom, welcome home.