30 Days of Truth - Day 8: Someone Who Made Your Life Hell, or Treated You Like Shit

There are a few, but I forgave them a few days ago in this post. 

I prefer to not dwell on it.

That is all.

:-)

30 Days of Truth - Day 4: Something You Have To Forgive Someone For

What do I have to forgive someone for?

When I first read this topic, I briefly thought - who do I need to forgive? And went on with my work at the time. Now that I am sitting here, writing, I still don't know who I need to forgive. I can't think of a grudge I am holding against someone, I can't think of anyone who has wronged me recently enough for me to need to forgive. But the more I think more about it, I can think of a few things.

I can forgive the musical director for not casting me in my favoritest (yeah, I know that's not a word) musical ever.

I can forgive a former professor who was such an unholy bitch that made me not like her anymore - when I used to like her almost the best. (This is not anyone in the Theatre Dept.)

I can forgive the idiots who live upstairs for waking me up at 4:30 in the freaking morning because they can't get enough yelling in during daylight hours.

I can forgive a former classmate who I never stood up to, but I should have, for being so high and mighty all the time. (You're so not, I feel sorry for your need to put me down so you can feel better about yourself.)

I can forgive a former pep band member (I suppose I could have centered this post around this) and some others who are so petty they decided to involve a facebook group. I don't have braces anymore, get a new picture and grow up. I know who all of you are, I'm not an idiot, before you made the membership list private - I checked it. All of you can go to hell, I'm better off than you'll ever be, because I don't spend my time hating on other people. And I forgive you for your stupidity - don't let it happen again.

I can forgive someone who was supposed to be my friend, but backed out of my wedding because of a spat that didn't even involve me at the start, but she chose to involve me for some reason. Not that you care, because you never responded to my emails asking your side, but I think your boyfriend is a mooch, a slime ball and he made an ass out of himself - you could do SO MUCH BETTER.

So to those of you who read this and figure out which ones apply to you: I forgive you. But, I want you all to know, I have never been happier in my life than I am right now. A lot of things have happened and I am so excited for the next steps in our lives - without your drama. To take a quote from The Trevor Project - It gets so much better. And it keeps getting better and better.**

**I am not equating my experiences to what many LGBT youth and others go through every day. Please, if you need help, call the Kristin Brooks Hope Center hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE, go to The Trevor Project's website or someone else you can trust. If you have my phone number, call it. If you don't, use that contact me thing on the upper right hand corner of my homepage. Suicide is NEVER the answer.

Broadway Sings for The Trevor Project - "It Gets Better"

30 Days of Truth - Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for

I have two things that I need to forgive myself for. One is much more serious that the other.

First, I have to forgive myself for not saying good-bye to my Great-Grandmother the last time I saw her before she died. I was seven. I don't think I fully understood the total gravity of the situation. How could I? I was seven! But every time I think about her, I regret not saying good bye.

It's like my seven year old self is inside me telling me that I knew that I should have but I didn't want to. I can't let it go. There is obviously nothing that 23 year old me can do about it now. I've tried on numerous occasions to say good bye, through prayer, through thinking about her, through writing about it. Family is very important to me and I feel that I knew that back then, but I didn't know that I would soon be losing a family member. This has been difficult to deal with, and I don't like that I am struck with guilt every time I think about her. I really bothers me, and I know I need to let it go.

The second thing I need to forgive myself for is not as sad. I need to forgive myself for not realizing sooner that Athletic Training was not the career for me. Not that I know any better now that I am a theatre major what I am going to do with my life, which freaks me out (I'm so type A it scares me sometimes). But I need to stop thinking about the fact that I could have graduated much sooner had I not spent three years pursuing Athletic Training after I transferred to Central from Ferris. I could have graduated and probably had, or be close to, a Masters by now if I hadn't spent so much time on it.

I wish that I had figured it out sooner, but there is nothing that can replace the knowledge I gained about myself and about athletic training. I just have to remember that I met some great people while on that path. One of my best friends in the world who stood up with me at my wedding I met because we were pursuing athletic training. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Forgiveness is divine, and what could be more divine than forgiving yourself for past mistakes?